Okay, guys, I just can't believe it! I cannot believe the miracle that just happened in my life! Oh my heck, I am so thrilled about this. This has nothing to do with missionary work. But this is amazing- Dad signed his letter this past week "Love, Jelly Man Kelly."
OKAY. This morning, while washing my cereal bowl in the sink, I sang that EXACT song. And I literally thought this exact thing- "I miss Jelly Man Kelly. When I write home, I am going to tell my family that I miss that song and somehow incorporate that in my letter." This is not a joke. And I haven't thought about that song in a year. K, there it is. Revelation is real. Dad, truly that was the coolest father-daughter brain-waves connecting across the ocean moment in the history of our lives. Thank you, you genius.
Now, for the rest of you - Hello! I love you! And I would like to say something:
I. LOVE. MY. MISSION.
I love this. With all my heart I love Tahiti, I love every single person that lives here, I love my companion, and I love that somehow I got lucky enough to have this chance. Sometimes I just think, I can't believe it. I can't believe I get to be a missionary here, that for some reason my life got to include this beautiful experience. I would like to make it known that I am infinitely grateful to Heavenly Father, Mom and Dad, and all the many people who helped me have this chance. Because this mission is actually the best thing that's ever happened to me. It is teaching me and molding me and I have truly felt this transformation happening in my heart. That doesn't mean I've become some saintly perfect person- dont any of you expect me to come home like that. I'm still ol' Micail, still a regular person that will drive you crazy sometimes. I don't know if the differences will be noticeable. But I know that in me, there really has been a change. I know some things like I didn't before. I love God and want to follow Him so much more. And I have found this true joy that I think can only come from doing something really, really hard for other people and relying on the Savior. A mission is certainly not the only way to discover that, but its such a wonderful way. I am truly happy. Thank you, thank you, all of you, for helping me.
I would also like to say that I did not always feel this way about my mission. This week marks the one year mark, my one-year-old missionary birthday! So of course I have been thinking about all the ups and downs and whatnot of the past year. I especially want Millzie and Courtney to know that the beginning was so extremely hard. Millzie, don't worry. It was exactly the same for me. In my head, I was always thinking, "Am I a bad person or something? Why is this so hard? How come I don't just love this? How come I seriously can't talk?" It seemed like everyone was a good missionary except for me, and I will tell you flat out that sometimes I hated it. So if in your head you are thinking, no it's just me who's struggling so bad - wrong-o. It is that hard for everyone. Everybody cries on their mission. Everybody struggles a ton. If other people tell you they didn't, well, at least you can know that I did.
But here is the news- It gets better. It will get so much better, like actually joyfully, wonderfully good. Yes, Millzie, you WILL speak Portuguese. At the beginning, I felt the same way. I would always like hover around any English-speaker missionaries I ever saw at conferences or stuff and just irritate them with these desperate questions like, "Do you actually understand whats going on? Like do you seriously understand when everybody talks?" And I really had this part of me that thought I would never reach it. But guess what? I seriously understand everything that's going on now! It's a miracle! And you will have this miracle. Do what you need to do - study your scriptures every day in Portuguese or Japanese and just keep going. Ask in your prayers every day that you can learn a little more and get a little better.
Mill, do you remember the song "Caves" by Jacks Mannequin that we love? I was thinking about it this week. In the song the guy is really scared and sad because he sees that all around him the walls are caving in. The music is kind of scary or something, and you feel like its a horrible thing that everything seems to be crashing. But the second half of the song, everything changes - the walls start crumbling and he realizes that, wow, there's stuff out there! He changes his tune and starts singing, "The walls are caving in!" with excitement because he realizes that he just got liberated and now he can see so much farther!
That's kind of how a mission is. You get ripped away from everything you know and understand and love, and you feel like its gonna be the end of you. For a while its just plain hard. But soon you will start to see that the difficulty, the very thing that you thought would end you, is exactly what you needed. When I look back at some of my worst moments - crying in the little kitchen of that hot, tiny box of a house in Papenoo, my heart is seriously so full of thanks. I am so glad it was hard. If it hadn't been so hard, it wouldn't be so good now. Just like the famous black pearls here - the little sand thing inside gets stuck and pressured and agitated, but in the end it makes something beautiful.
That was a lot of words to explain a really simple message, but I hope you believe it. I hope every missionary believes it, because it's true. It is going to be okay. Keep working, keep praying, keep trusting in our kind Heavenly Father and our Savior. It's worth it.
I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is truly guided by an inspired prophet, called by God Himself. The Book of Mormon is true - the doctrine and principles inside are true, and they have brought me so much happiness. Reading the Book of Mormon has brought me a solid assurance that Joseph Smith's story is real because I can't deny the Spirit that I feel when I read it. No matter what, it always, always comes back to prayer. God does hear us. I know it. I love Him.
I love you all so very much. Dad said in one of his letters lately that part of being a Christian is being of good cheer. This is true. And you know what? We are so lucky. I know so many people who would love to live in a beautiful, clean home, in a nice neighborhood, eat healthy, delicious food, and go do something even semi-interesting at work today. We are so incredibly lucky, and we have every reason to be happy. So let's all be happy and thankful. Life is beautiful.
All my love,
Soeur Mann
