#24 - Denial of Fear

Hi there, family!

I would just like to tell you all that I have had a great week.  I am happy. Soeur Ruaroo and I had a great week, and it is a good thing, because it turns out it was our last week together.  I will just tell you some of the good things that happened: Teariki and Rowan are baptized.  Teariki, who is usually a very quiet, kind of withdrawn person, was just shining at church yesterday.  He had his head up high, shaking hands with people, and I thought, that is someone who is coming to know Christ.

While riding our bikes along the road, a wave came up from the ocean and actually splashed us in the face.  As in, I tasted the salt water.  While riding my bike along the road.  Think about how cool that is for a minute.

• ·         We successfully prayed away a cyclone that was going to come ruin a wedding, but didn't.

• ·         We answered the question of someone who has been lost and struggling for a very long time.

• ·         I purchased some of those little baby cheeses that I love.

When I think about the past three months I've had with Soeur Ruaroo, I just don't know where to start.  An American showed up with a Tahitian, neither of us knew even one person here, there was no missionary before us to help us out, and three months later there are five more members of the Church, and we have a family here.  That's an actual, literal miracle.

My new companion will be joining us tonight.  She is going to be lovely.  I am so excited to be with her because I know her a little, and she is very sweet and kind.  Her name is Soeur Teriierooiterai.  Heh heh.  Yes. That is actually her name.  She is a member of 5 years- she grew up Catholic and is the only member of the Church in her family.  I'm thrilled about that, because I know that she will be able to relate to our amis (investigators), who are trying to make their own big changes, sometimes without the support of their families. I am nervous about the change a little bit, because it will now be my job to show her the ropes and make the transition for her and I will be the only one who knows the situation here.  I know I'm going to make lots of mistakes.  I know I'm still far from understanding everything I need to.  I have to lead the sector, and I know that I am not really, really ready.

But ya know what?  Oh well!

One of the many lessons I'm learning over here is that faith is real and it is a denial of fear.  I have been thinking lots about fear.  Why do we like it?  Sometimes we just cling and cling and cling to our fears.  Somehow it’s kind of comforting or something. But God actually commands us a few times in the scriptures to fear not.  It’s been one of the hardest commandments for me to keep here.  But I'm learning.  I'm learning that faith means you just have to go with it.  Go, go, go, be brave, and I'm realizing that when you jump off the edge, He really is there to help you fly. 

I’ve been praying a lot for the comfort of God for this next big change in my life, and I can tell you that God really does answer our prayers.  I know that I will be okay.  I really do know it.  Because I know with all my heart that the Spirit is with me, and that Father is helping me. 

Something that is really important in life is thinking quietly.  If we can be quiet and still for a few minutes, we can learn a lot.

This week Bishop Graffe made a deal with me.  He told me that if someone with light hair and blue eyes and glasses walks into a home here and starts speaking Tahitian with the people, they will see a miracle, and they will be more willing to listen to me.   This month I am declaring Tahitian Month.  'Cuz the truth is that I barely speak any Tahitian.  I don't know how or when to learn it.  I also know that my mission call letter says very clearly that I have been called to teach the gospel in the Tahitian language. So... here we go.  I gotta do it.  Another leap of faith!  And the next Fast and Testimony meeting, I am getting up and bearing my testimony in Tahitian. 

I love being alive.  I love how interesting life is.  I love learning.  I love changing.  I love loving.

I love Tahiti!  And I love you so very much, family.

The gospel is life. 

Life is beautiful.

All my love, Soeur Mann

# 23 - Pictures of Sister Mann

I do apologize! I realized that I have not been putting up the pictures of Sister Mann that she sends us. So, here she is in all her beauty and grace! :) - Amelia 

#22 - Deep, Sincere, and Simple Faith

Hi, Folks!

Events of the week: 

There is an old guy here that I would like to tell you about.  He is skinny and wrinkly, and he has a long white beard.  He is a little bit crazy.  Whenever we pass him, he yells stuff in Tahitian and I don’t have a clue what he’s saying.  The other day we were walking along the road, I’m just being an innocent missionary, and out of nowhere, I get whapped on the head with a big leaf thing.  He was hiding behind a bush at his house, and he just went and whaps me right on the head and says, "IAORANA."  It was so startling and so funny, and so, so weird.  But the weirdest thing?  No one said anything.  Not my companion, not the member who was with us.  Sometimes I am very confused about what’s going on.  

Wonderful news for this weekend:  One marriage and two baptisms!  Hoorah!  Tiariki has given up smoking, and he will marry his girlfriend, Eli, who is expecting a baby, Friday afternoon.  The next morning he will be baptized as a member of the church!  Later that afternoon we will have the baptism of an absolute sweetheart, little Rowan, who is 9 years old.  He is so nice.  He and his big brother, Ray, get along really well, and I love watching them.  Ray takes care of his little brother, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen them apart.  Rays already a member, and I know that he will always be a good example.  I feel really good about his baptism because I know that they have each other, and I hope they take care of each other forever.

Bishop Nelson Graffe is just indescribable.  Here are some of the things he’s done this week:  Taken the new converts in his ward to do baptisms for the dead, brought two white church shirts to two inactive boys, arranged a big neighborhood family home evening for some investigators in his neighborhood, and driven directly to the home of one of our investigators to bring her to church.  The other day we were in a lesson and I saw his truck drive up, and half of me was surprised because we had never even mentioned that we had a lesson with that particular person, but the other half of me thought, Duh.  Of course he shows up.  He’s superman.  We are teaching his little brother right now, Arioi, an 18 year old.  Our lesson was awesome.  I love teaching about prayer.  I love, love, love prayer.

The Tahitian people are teaching me lessons I can’t even begin to explain.  I am constantly in awe of their faith.  I’ve never seen faith like this, and it’s sometimes just shocking and so, so humbling.  It is such an interesting, beautiful thing to be here.  I am truly learning to know God.  Prayer and fasting are actual real ways to get things done, to receive help, to see miracles in our lives.  God is real.  He's actually listening, and He can actually help us.  I am learning a very deep, sincere, and simple faith here.  I love these people.

Family, the gospel is actually true.  
Here is one thought I have that I think everyone should take some time to think about this week.  I think if you give yourself five full, quiet minutes to actually ponder this, you will change a little bit.

Think about the moment you see Christ next.

I’ve been thinking about that.  

I love you all so much.  I love our Savior, Jesus Christ, and our Heavenly Father.  

Life is so beautiful.
Soeur Mann

#21 - Worthy of Acceptance

Hello, Family!

I love you.  Family, this week I was teaching a lady who is having a very very hard time accepting the gospel.  She is Protestant and her husband is a member, and she is very grounded in the belief that Mormonism cannot offer her anything that her religion doesn't already give her.  She was sitting there across from her husband and her two little kids were running around in the background.  She is such a good wife and she is one of the nicest mothers I've met here.  We talked and talked about all sorts of things, especially the Book of Mormon, but the final thing I could think to tell her was this:  If I was not a member of the church, I would be looking for one thing:  Who can bind me to my family forever?  

I don't know if it really set into her what I was trying to say, but I just want you to know that the Temple, and the authority we have in this church to bind families together forever in the name and by the power of Jesus Christ, keeps me going every single day here.  We are sealed forever. Think about that.  Our family will live and progress together forever.  Is there anything better than that?  No, there is nothing, nothing better than that.  

Mamma, I didnt even tell you happy birhtday last week!  Happy birthday, Mamma Girl!  I am sending you a present next month!  And that present is going to drive himself right to our house sometime in February.  Ha ha!  Elder Saxton, from Franklin, ID is going home next month, and he has promised to pay you all a visit and drop off some letters (if i ever have time to write them!), and best of all- you can ask him ALL the Tahiti questions you want!  Im going to give him our number and address, and he will get in touch with you guys.  Its so, so weird that he is here with me.  Here I am.  In the middle of the ocean.  Speakin French.  Except Im not speakin French.  Im speaking English.  And Im talking about the Preston Rodeo and Big Js.  I absolutely love, love my Friday district reunion.  It is really a tender mercy from the Lord to put someone who has eaten Gosner cheese in my district.  So comforting.  Two Cache Valley kids preaching the gospel in Tahiti!  It is honestly such a small world!

In response to some of your other questions- my tan is coming along pretty good.  Its kinda fading cuz of the rain lately, but its still better than my usual tan, which is usually nonexistant.  My hair is also getting some rather radiant highlights.  When I wake up in the morning, my hair is big and curly.  You heard me!  Curly!  

Also, I would just like to say that if you have never fallen asleep to the sound of the ocean, you're missing out.  I think I will miss that forever once I leave.

My companion leaves in 3 weeks and finishes her mission.  Everyone say no less than 1000 prayers for me as I approach this moment.  I often think about the day in Heaven when I will see my sweet Tahitian sister again and we will speak the same language, and I can really tell her exactly how much I love her.  What an incredible experience it is to work with her, a girl who grew up on an island that you can walk the perimeter of in a day.  We have had such different lives, but we both love the gospel, and that makes everything work out in the end.

As you all know, I've been pretty razzled up and frankly stressed out of my mind for the majority of the time I've been here.  I ask myself constantly if I'm doing enough, how can I know If I'm trying my real best, why cant I speak fluent French, yada yada.  Dad, this thought is especially for you, Bishop.  Here is an insight I re-received this week.  (It seems like that's how we learn the gospel, huh?  Re-learn and re-learn and re-learn).  

There is no actual check list for being a good person.  There is no actual check list for being a good bishop or missionary or wife or mailman or whatever you you may be.  Its not like you will get to the Judgement Bar and hear, "Oooh...  I'm so sorry, but if you would have raked leaves for your neighbor one more time, you would have made it.  See ya.  Terrestrial Kingdom."  

Sometimes I get real, real caught up in what I can do to prove myself and how hard I have to work in order to be worthy of acceptance.  

If you are living in such a way that you are miserable, stressed out, and never satisfied, you are forgetting some stuff.  You are forgetting that Father created us "that we might have joy"   And you are forgetting that Christ is our Redeemer.

Family, I really have a testimony of the Atonement.  I know that Christ is the Son of God, that He lives, and that He actually accomplished the miracle of the Atonement.  That means that we are not alone in this.  That means that we have an infinitely loving Savior that makes up for our weakness.  When I say my prayers at night in His name, I am recognizing that although I wasnt perfect today, I have a Partner who was perfect and Who loves me, and Who accepts my efforts.  

Like I say all the time, the only real hard thing about life is realizing and accepting how good it is.  Its not always immediately evident, because we are humans, and we get distracted and sidetracked and blinded.  But the reality is that we have a Savior.  The reality is that yes, we are good enough, thanks to our infinitely loving and merciful Partner, Jesus Christ.  We can be happy and hopeful because Christ performed His Atonement, and we are saved.  We will live in Heaven with our families after this life.

I love Jesus Christ.  I know that He lives, and I know that He loves me.  As long as I'm just striving and desiring and loving every day, I'm enough.  

Life is so, so beautiful.

All my love, Soeur Mann  

#20 - Keys to Heaven

Bonjour et bonne annee!

I love you, love you, love you!

I have some thank you's to say this week!

First of all, Mamma, I forgot to tell you that I 100% love the necklace you gave me for Christmas.  I wear it every single day, and when I feel a little blue, I hold on to the three little keys and think about you and it makes me feel better.  Plus, there is a little seven year old sweetie here named Mimi who absolutely loves the fact that I have the three "keys to heaven" with me all the time, because I explained to her that the three charms, faith, hope, and charity, are the keys to heaven.  So every time she sees me, we pretend to open the door to heaven with our tiny keys.

And Grandma Mann, I got your package today!  Oh, Grandma!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  It was so wonderful to see a package with "Harold Mann" written on the return address!  I shared the cowtails with my companion and a lady in our ward, and they loved the American candy.  Thank you for the card and everything!

That last picture with all the kids is of New Year's Eve, which we spent with the Bishop.  ( Don't worry, we went to bed on time!)  Okay, Christmas here is not the hugest deal like it is for us, but New Year's Eve?  It is actually New Year's Week.  It is a huge, huge deal, and everyone is just barbequeing and playin their ukuleles, and drinkin' a whole lot of alcohol   But we passed a fun evening with our Bishop's family, and the thing in my hand is a coconut, and yes, I am drinking coconut milk right out of it!  Amazing, huh?  And the kids danced their little hearts out.  

So, something I really, really need to tell you is that we've had three baptisms.  Ha ha!  I have been meaning to write about it, but the thing is that these baptisms deserve a big long letter, because each one has been miraculous, truly miraculous.  This picture is of Kahaia, who is a beautiful, joyful 19 year old convert of one week, and who has already asked the bishop if she can start her mission papers.  She came teaching with us the other night, and its so cool to have a brand new convert share their testimony, because she really, really knows what its like to receive that change in her life.  I  am constantly amazed by the tiny and seemingly infinite amount of miracles that God performs for us every day.  Sometimes I feel like 'I'm on the Truman show, like everything is perfectly scripted to work out just how it ought to.  'Cuz that's actually what's happening.  And that is thanks to our Savior, Jesus Christ, whose hand is in all things and through all things.  It is truly astounding.

There is a big huge tree across the street from us, right in front of the ocean.  We call it our Tree of Faith, and it represents our faith just growing and growing up to the sky.  This week is has rained and rained and rained, and that tree is sittin' there, soaking it all in.  I had a thought this week- that tree requires both sunshine and rain in order to grow.  Without one or the other, it dies.  Just like in second Nephi 2, everything requires opposition.  Ya gotta take some rain with some sunshine if you want the tree to grow.

Loved ones, Jesus Christ is really our Savior.  I love Him.  Despite my weakness and sometimes pathetic bouts of idiocy, He really is there.  God is answering my prayers, and He listens to all of us.  Hallelujah!  God listens to us!

I love you with all my heart, 
Soeur Mann

#19 - Raw Fish, Clams, and Escargot

Hello, Dear Loved Ones!  I love you so very, very, very much!

Fam, I finally got the card you sent me in October!  Ha ha!  It did me so much good.  Seeing everyone's handwriting seriously made my day.  Thank you, thank you!

Okay, once again, I don't have much time.  I guess I better just get used to that and we will all just deal with the fact that my letters will never be quite long enough.  As far as little Tahitian things go, here is the news- guess what I ate for Christmas Eve?  Raw fish, clams, and escargot!  That's right, folks!  I'm an islander!

Heres what I really want to say to you.  These are the real, true thoughts of Sister Micail Mann.

The past two months I have been through a true refiner's fire.  There is something about being in the middle of the ocean without your family or ward or language that makes you really, really think.  (complete under exaggeration)

I am going to tell you completely and truly that I have had some really bad moments out here where I started looking, as the scriptures say, "beyond the mark."  Being out here has stripped everything I know down to the very barest bones, and I have had some moments where I've had to look long and hard at my testimony.  There is no Cami King to set an example, no institute, no FHE with the singles ward.  There is the Book of Mormon, and there is prayer, and there is my faith.  That is not to say that all my beautiful experiences growing up and strengthening my testimony disappeared, but I have had to truly think about what's inside my heart, and where my faith is.

The most important experiences I've had here are some long, long prayers inside the kitchen at night, listening to the waves and putting every ounce of energy into talking to Heavenly Father.

I just want you all to know that I know that Heavenly Father is real.  I know that the Book of Mormon is true.  Jesus Christ is our Savior.

When I say I know it's true, I'm actually saying that.  I'm actually saying that we are children of Heavenly Father, who actually lives and listen to our prayers.  These days when I pray, I take five minutes beforehand to think about that, just think about the fact that Someone is really going to listen to the words I say.  I'm not talking to the air.  

Prayer is talking with Heavenly Father.

That's what I truly want to say.  Think and think and think about that.

Life is beautiful!  It's amazing to think that this time last year, I was banging pots and pans at Court's house, shouting Happy New Year to Hyde Park.  This year I am living in Tahiti, teaching the gospel in French.  Life is beautiful!

Happy New Year!  I love you!