Dear Good People of My Life,
Here is something I learned last night- your heart can be totally broken and perfectly full at the same time. You know when something happens to you, and you just want so badly for everyone you love to understand how you felt because you want to share it, but you know that there's no way you'll ever be able to explain it well enough? That's how last night was.
It was my last night in Oremu, and we had a little last visit with a couple of the people I love most in this world. It was exactly where I wanted to spend my last moments in the sector- outside around the table in Mami Naomi's garage thing. I took a moment to just share my testimony and then everyone else shared their testimony, too. Michel and Moana were there, and one of my best friends here, Thyronn, the one I sent a picture of the other week. I just can't explain what it meant to me to hear everyone's testimony. It meant the world. It was simply soul-filling. Bishop, who will forever be one of the heroes of my life, gave me some wonderful life counsel. Two words etched on my heart- "Tapea paari"- fight to the end.
When we were driving back home I just cried and cried, and I had kind of that same feeling you always get when there's some big life change, like graduating from high school or breaking up with somebody. I seriously felt like my heart was breaking. But I felt that sweet feeling that comes in those moments- the absolute assurance that no matter what, no matter what changes or happens in my life, I will always have my Heavenly Father with me. Always, always, He will be with me, He will understand me, and He will take care of me. I felt deeply in my heart the love of a Father, and I needed it so much. And then I had the thought come to me that a couple people in Oremu, Tahiti, now have that same thing. No matter where they go or what happens in their lives, now they know that Heavenly Father and the Savior are there. That means everything.The chance to come here and share that knowledge with people is the best thing that has ever happened to me. That's the epitome of satisfaction- to know that your efforts gave someone eternal good.
I've been so anxious about leaving the area, so worried about whether I had done enough, and whether I was happy with myself, I've seriously been so worried about it. I know that I have made lots of mistakes just like every missionary. I don't really know what to think about that stuff, I'm just glad I believe in the kindness and perfect mercy of Christ to make up for our short-comings. And wonderfully, and thanks entirely to my testimony of those things, I can happily say that I feel perfect peace. I have left my heart in Oremu. I love them. Forever and ever, they are now I part of my life, and I care about them. What an amazing thing to be a missionary. It's different from any other thing. It's not like other friends you make 'uz you hang out with them and eat pizza. Its true, real, love and concern for these peoples' well-being. It is beautiful, and all the scriptures about the joy of this work are true.
I want everyone to know that I love the Lord. God is good. He has brought me here, sustained me, and given me more happiness than I ever thought possible. I love Him! I love Him, and I thank Him.
And I love that I still have at least four months to be a missionary! I want to give my whole heart to it all the way to the end. My new area is called Pirae, which is just next-door to Papeete. I'm with Sœur Ariioehau, who is, as Mom would say, "a serious character," and just a crack-up. We're going to have so much fun. And I'm back in the saddle again! As in, I've returned to my trusty ol' green bike after 7 months in a car. And my area is made entirely of hills. Wahoo! That'll do me good.
You know what the biggest message I got from conference was? Just do it. It's interesting how everyone gets a different message out of conference depending on what they need or are looking for. But the feeling I got from the prophets was one of just be brave and do what's right. Its a principle I've been thinking about a lot because I'm currently reading in Alma about the 2000 stripling warriors. I have been really struck by this story lately, specifically one episode in chapter 56- Helaman and all the young warriors have been trying to just get away from the Lamanite armies, trying to lead them away by running and running, constantly just trying to get away. Eventually Helaman realizes something- They cant keep running. They have to fight. I tried to really imagine this as it really happened- I thought a lot about how Helaman feels about this group of young men. He seriously loves them. As you read in the chapter, he calls them his little sons multiple times. What did he seriously feel when he knew that he had to take them into battle, fearing that these innocent young men might all be killed? He must have spent a moment alone in prayer, and he must have cried. And then, feeling the worst he has probably ever felt, he goes out to his group of soldiers and asks:
"Therefore what say ye, my sons, will ye go against them to battle?
45 And now I say unto you, my beloved brother Moroni, that never had I seen aso great bcourage, nay, not amongst all the Nephites.
46 For as I had ever called them my sons (for they were all of them very young) even so they said unto me: Father, behold our God is with us, and he will not suffer that we should fall; then let us go forth; we would not slay our brethren if they would let us alone; therefore let us go, lest they should overpower the army of Antipus.
47 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.
49 And it came to pass that I did return with my two thousand against these Lamanites who had pursued us."
Sometimes we have to stop running and just turn around and fight. But here is the best part!
"55 And now it came to pass that when they had surrendered themselves up unto us, behold, I numbered those young men who had fought with me, fearing lest there were many of them slain.
56 But behold, to my great joy, there had not one soul of them fallen to the earth; yea, and they had fought as if with the strength of God; yea, never were men known to have fought with such miraculous strength"
We can win our battles! When you read later in the story you realize that every single one of these soldiers was injured. Doing the right thing doesnt mean it wont be hard or painful. But we can overcome anything. We just have turn around and face them with faith.
Thank you for being the good people of my life.
All my love,
Sœur Mann
