#27 - Heart Beats

Hi, Fam!

Man, I LOVE you.  I love you!  I love you!  I love you!  I'm so happy we are a family!
I am emailing tonight instead of tomorrow because we have zone conference tomorrow and won't have the time.  So surprise!  You are all sleeping in your little beds right now.  Sweet dreams!

I loved, loved, loved the pictures you sent!  Oh, life is good!  Just walk that little Lizzie girl and keep having parties in Millzie's room!

I am sending a beautiful picture.  This is the Pambrun Family.  The man in the middle with the short grayish hair is named Sylvestre, and he is the father of all these crazy kids.  This pictures kind of old, as you can tell me the fact that Soeur Ruaroo is in it, but the news is that this man is now a baptized member of the church and a worthy Priesthood holder, as of this weekend.  It was one of the best moments of my mission.  We found Sylvestre through his wife, Danielle, who has been a member for many years and has been praying and praying for her husband to change all the while.  One day she just stopped us at the bus stop and asked us if we could come by her house and talk to her husband about stopping smoking. She told us straight up that he didn’t want the lessons, just a little message of encouragement to maybe help him stop.  So we stopped by.  Well one little message led to another visit and another, and without every actually inviting him take the lessons, we eventually found ourselves at the baptismal font.  And I just can't tell you what a truly beautiful, rewarding experience it has been. 

Some thoughts:
-When you eat real Tahitian food, "ma'a Tahiti" as it is called, you eat it with your hands.  And some of its goopy and sticky, so you have to slurp it up from your fingers. 
- Lately I have just been thinking and thinking about hearts.  You know how you just go through phases where you think about a certain thing a lot? Right now it is hearts for me.  I love to feel my heart beating.  In the morning I eat my breakfast outside and I like to just sit there against the wall and feel it beat and think about how cool it is that my heart is pumping blood through all these thousands of little veins, and its keeping me alive.  One cycle I've discovered to be true is that the more we are in tune with the Spirit, the more fascinating everything becomes, and the more thankful we become for every single little thing.  And the more we are thankful, the more we invite the Spirit. 
- I love my family here.  I love these people.  I love them. 

I just want to say hi to Donnalou, because I know you are reading these emails.  Hello, Donna!  I love you so much!  I miss you and your jam and the smell of your cleaner!  I hope you are watching the Jazz a lot and being as lovely and delightful as ever!  I truly miss you, and I pray for you every day!  I love you!

And I love all of you.  Oh, I love you so much!  Life is beautiful!
Happy week!
Soeur Mann

#26 - It's Real

Well family, and this includes Courtney Elise King,

 I don’t have one idea how to start this letter.  Oh man, I don’t even know what to say right now.  I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face and my heart is pounding all weird and I feel happy and sad and amazed and surprised and not surprised.  I just read the email that Court’s going on a mission, too.

I really don’t know what to say.  

The gospel's actually true.  Sometimes I will just be going throughout the day and I just get this weird feeling all over me, and I’m seriously stopped in my tracks and I think, "It's real." 

Joseph Smith actually saw God in the Sacred Grove.  He restored the gospel of Jesus Christ, who is actually our Savior.  And He prophesied that a great and marvelous work was about to come forth and that the gospel would be spread to all the world.

And look at what's going on.  

Oh my goodness, look at what's going on!  Amelia, Courtney, all the missionaries who are getting ready to go- we're doing it!  It’s all coming true.  

It's real, real, real.  

We're children of Heavenly Father.  We lived with Him before this life, and now here we are, all in the middle of our big adventure on this beautiful earth, our big chance to become like Father.  And the Savior, Jesus Christ, came here and lived on the earth and performed the Atonement.  He unified His soul with ours and offered to become our truest Friend, to be there for us during this experience, to give us His spirit and love and support at all times when we need it Through the Spirit, which we receive after our baptism in His name, we have His help in the moments when we fail, when we are weak and confused and even bad.  He lifts us up and forgives us and encourages us.  And with His help, and only through His help, we make it through this life.  And after this life, we'll be back with Them.  For the moment, we've got all kinds of help.  We've got an actual prophet, real apostles, scriptures, and incredibly, we have prayer.

The reality of everything is that the distance between us and heaven is pretty much zero.  Life’s so much better than we think it is.  It’s so much bigger and fascinating and important and beautiful than we think it is.  We're literally children of God.  We get to become like Him, and we know how to do it, and we have the Savior to help us.

That’s the gospel!  That’s why we're going on missions. Hallelujah!

A few little thoughts/experiences from this week:
- Remember how grossed out I am by the dogs around here?  Not anymore.  For some reason, my heart is changing.  I love them.  And I feed them leftovers every day.  And they know me, and we are friends.  It feels good to be nice to sick dogs.
- There are some punk teenagers who hang out at the bus stop with a big boom box like they are just the coolest cats in town.  You know, gold in your mouth, hat turned sideways, all that jazz.  And what do they boom from their boom box?  Any Man of Mine by Shania Twain.  I will not deny that this makes me laugh out loud every time, and I absolutely love it.
- Last night I was lying in bed and I realized that I could not remember what anyone wore yesterday at church.  No one.  I didn’t pay attention to a single outfit.  Isn’t that kind of cool?  It just doesn’t cross my mind anymore to pay attention to how people are dressed.  That’s a cool thing.  
- I found some nesquik in our cupboard.  Despite the fact that it is blasted hot and I sleep all sprawled out on my bed without even a sheet to cover me, I drink a cup of hot cocoa before bed.  Because I am still me.
- I prefer to read my scriptures in French than in English.
- The other day I looked out at the ocean and realized that it is not just a bunch of water!  It is full of fish and whales and dolphins and octopuses and crazy creatures!  I thought, I wonder how many times I look at something and think it’s a bunch of water, when really it is full of beautiful, fascinating, cool stuff.

I love you all with all my heart!
Happy week!
-Soeur Mann

#25 - Faaitotio!

Hi, guys!

I am joyful!  I am joyful, people! I just don't even know how to start this letter except to say that I love life.   I know that you guys were probably wondering all week how my first week with a new companion was going.  I will now tell you how it went:  Wonderfully.  I didn't just survive it, but I loved it.  In fact, I just had one of the best weeks of my life. 
Soeur Teriierooieterai (I spell it different every time, I still haven't memorized how it actually goes) is just one of the biggest blessings from heaven that I've ever received.  She just popped into this area and brought in a fresh breath of air.  She is a fantastic missionary.  This has been one of the best weeks because I have not stopped learning and progressing for even one minute, and I love it.  We have had some really, really cool conversations.  She is from the actual island of Tahiti, and she is a basketball player.  Turns out that if you play basketball, you immediately know everyone.  
Beautiful moments of my week:

- Feeling actual, real humility.  

- Teaching a lesson to the prettiest little old lady.  Her name is Vahine, and she speaks Tahitian.  She lives by herself, and she feeds herself from her own garden.  Every time we see her, her clothes are covered in mud because she has been out in the garden working.  She is seventy five years old.  Yesterday we had a powerful moment when we showed her the picture of Christ's baptism and talked to her about being baptized.  Of course I wasn't understanding much of the conversation, but I watched her closely, and she just examined that picture of Christ in the water so closely.  The Spirit was so strong as she just stared at that picture.  I asked her, “Would you like to be baptized like Jesus was baptized?”  And she answered yes with such sincerity.  After her lesson, we got on our bikes and started riding down the road, and what was before us? A big huge rainbow.  It made me think of the primary song, I Like to Look For Rainbows, which I sang with Sarah at our baptism.  Heavenly Father really does give us tender mercies.  He really does create beautiful, perfect moments for us sometimes.  Lots of times.

- This week we visited a man who was just about to die.  His family was at the home digging his grave outside their house.  We went into his little room where he was all hooked up to different IVs and things, and I don't know how to describe the feeling.  I've never really been with someone before they die.  It's a strange feeling.  We just sang him a song and I got to say the prayer.  What a special moment to say a prayer to Heavenly Father, knowing that the person next to you will actually be with Him very soon.  Things get put in perspective.

- Sr. T brought with her some terrific music.  If you haven't listened to the Nashville Tribute album, The Work- you must!  I can't stop singing it!  It's all about missionary work, and it’s so great!  The first song starts with the line, "Children, go where I send thee!"  I love being in my little kitchen, sweeping or washing the dishes, and singing that line and thinking about how we really are His children.  And I love that He just sent me off to a little island to help some of the other children.  
I love being a missionary.  Another Nashville Tribute song says, "My soul just wants to start singing!" and that is how I feel!  I've had moments this week where my heart just wanted to burst because I was just plain happy.  I'm just happy because God is our Father, and the gospel is real.  And every single one of us, for the rest of forever, gets to be happy and share happiness and just keep living and living and living.  

I love you all so much.  Faaitotio!Soeur Mann

#24 - Denial of Fear

Hi there, family!

I would just like to tell you all that I have had a great week.  I am happy. Soeur Ruaroo and I had a great week, and it is a good thing, because it turns out it was our last week together.  I will just tell you some of the good things that happened: Teariki and Rowan are baptized.  Teariki, who is usually a very quiet, kind of withdrawn person, was just shining at church yesterday.  He had his head up high, shaking hands with people, and I thought, that is someone who is coming to know Christ.

While riding our bikes along the road, a wave came up from the ocean and actually splashed us in the face.  As in, I tasted the salt water.  While riding my bike along the road.  Think about how cool that is for a minute.

• ·         We successfully prayed away a cyclone that was going to come ruin a wedding, but didn't.

• ·         We answered the question of someone who has been lost and struggling for a very long time.

• ·         I purchased some of those little baby cheeses that I love.

When I think about the past three months I've had with Soeur Ruaroo, I just don't know where to start.  An American showed up with a Tahitian, neither of us knew even one person here, there was no missionary before us to help us out, and three months later there are five more members of the Church, and we have a family here.  That's an actual, literal miracle.

My new companion will be joining us tonight.  She is going to be lovely.  I am so excited to be with her because I know her a little, and she is very sweet and kind.  Her name is Soeur Teriierooiterai.  Heh heh.  Yes. That is actually her name.  She is a member of 5 years- she grew up Catholic and is the only member of the Church in her family.  I'm thrilled about that, because I know that she will be able to relate to our amis (investigators), who are trying to make their own big changes, sometimes without the support of their families. I am nervous about the change a little bit, because it will now be my job to show her the ropes and make the transition for her and I will be the only one who knows the situation here.  I know I'm going to make lots of mistakes.  I know I'm still far from understanding everything I need to.  I have to lead the sector, and I know that I am not really, really ready.

But ya know what?  Oh well!

One of the many lessons I'm learning over here is that faith is real and it is a denial of fear.  I have been thinking lots about fear.  Why do we like it?  Sometimes we just cling and cling and cling to our fears.  Somehow it’s kind of comforting or something. But God actually commands us a few times in the scriptures to fear not.  It’s been one of the hardest commandments for me to keep here.  But I'm learning.  I'm learning that faith means you just have to go with it.  Go, go, go, be brave, and I'm realizing that when you jump off the edge, He really is there to help you fly. 

I’ve been praying a lot for the comfort of God for this next big change in my life, and I can tell you that God really does answer our prayers.  I know that I will be okay.  I really do know it.  Because I know with all my heart that the Spirit is with me, and that Father is helping me. 

Something that is really important in life is thinking quietly.  If we can be quiet and still for a few minutes, we can learn a lot.

This week Bishop Graffe made a deal with me.  He told me that if someone with light hair and blue eyes and glasses walks into a home here and starts speaking Tahitian with the people, they will see a miracle, and they will be more willing to listen to me.   This month I am declaring Tahitian Month.  'Cuz the truth is that I barely speak any Tahitian.  I don't know how or when to learn it.  I also know that my mission call letter says very clearly that I have been called to teach the gospel in the Tahitian language. So... here we go.  I gotta do it.  Another leap of faith!  And the next Fast and Testimony meeting, I am getting up and bearing my testimony in Tahitian. 

I love being alive.  I love how interesting life is.  I love learning.  I love changing.  I love loving.

I love Tahiti!  And I love you so very much, family.

The gospel is life. 

Life is beautiful.

All my love, Soeur Mann

# 23 - Pictures of Sister Mann

I do apologize! I realized that I have not been putting up the pictures of Sister Mann that she sends us. So, here she is in all her beauty and grace! :) - Amelia 

#22 - Deep, Sincere, and Simple Faith

Hi, Folks!

Events of the week: 

There is an old guy here that I would like to tell you about.  He is skinny and wrinkly, and he has a long white beard.  He is a little bit crazy.  Whenever we pass him, he yells stuff in Tahitian and I don’t have a clue what he’s saying.  The other day we were walking along the road, I’m just being an innocent missionary, and out of nowhere, I get whapped on the head with a big leaf thing.  He was hiding behind a bush at his house, and he just went and whaps me right on the head and says, "IAORANA."  It was so startling and so funny, and so, so weird.  But the weirdest thing?  No one said anything.  Not my companion, not the member who was with us.  Sometimes I am very confused about what’s going on.  

Wonderful news for this weekend:  One marriage and two baptisms!  Hoorah!  Tiariki has given up smoking, and he will marry his girlfriend, Eli, who is expecting a baby, Friday afternoon.  The next morning he will be baptized as a member of the church!  Later that afternoon we will have the baptism of an absolute sweetheart, little Rowan, who is 9 years old.  He is so nice.  He and his big brother, Ray, get along really well, and I love watching them.  Ray takes care of his little brother, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen them apart.  Rays already a member, and I know that he will always be a good example.  I feel really good about his baptism because I know that they have each other, and I hope they take care of each other forever.

Bishop Nelson Graffe is just indescribable.  Here are some of the things he’s done this week:  Taken the new converts in his ward to do baptisms for the dead, brought two white church shirts to two inactive boys, arranged a big neighborhood family home evening for some investigators in his neighborhood, and driven directly to the home of one of our investigators to bring her to church.  The other day we were in a lesson and I saw his truck drive up, and half of me was surprised because we had never even mentioned that we had a lesson with that particular person, but the other half of me thought, Duh.  Of course he shows up.  He’s superman.  We are teaching his little brother right now, Arioi, an 18 year old.  Our lesson was awesome.  I love teaching about prayer.  I love, love, love prayer.

The Tahitian people are teaching me lessons I can’t even begin to explain.  I am constantly in awe of their faith.  I’ve never seen faith like this, and it’s sometimes just shocking and so, so humbling.  It is such an interesting, beautiful thing to be here.  I am truly learning to know God.  Prayer and fasting are actual real ways to get things done, to receive help, to see miracles in our lives.  God is real.  He's actually listening, and He can actually help us.  I am learning a very deep, sincere, and simple faith here.  I love these people.

Family, the gospel is actually true.  
Here is one thought I have that I think everyone should take some time to think about this week.  I think if you give yourself five full, quiet minutes to actually ponder this, you will change a little bit.

Think about the moment you see Christ next.

I’ve been thinking about that.  

I love you all so much.  I love our Savior, Jesus Christ, and our Heavenly Father.  

Life is so beautiful.
Soeur Mann

#21 - Worthy of Acceptance

Hello, Family!

I love you.  Family, this week I was teaching a lady who is having a very very hard time accepting the gospel.  She is Protestant and her husband is a member, and she is very grounded in the belief that Mormonism cannot offer her anything that her religion doesn't already give her.  She was sitting there across from her husband and her two little kids were running around in the background.  She is such a good wife and she is one of the nicest mothers I've met here.  We talked and talked about all sorts of things, especially the Book of Mormon, but the final thing I could think to tell her was this:  If I was not a member of the church, I would be looking for one thing:  Who can bind me to my family forever?  

I don't know if it really set into her what I was trying to say, but I just want you to know that the Temple, and the authority we have in this church to bind families together forever in the name and by the power of Jesus Christ, keeps me going every single day here.  We are sealed forever. Think about that.  Our family will live and progress together forever.  Is there anything better than that?  No, there is nothing, nothing better than that.  

Mamma, I didnt even tell you happy birhtday last week!  Happy birthday, Mamma Girl!  I am sending you a present next month!  And that present is going to drive himself right to our house sometime in February.  Ha ha!  Elder Saxton, from Franklin, ID is going home next month, and he has promised to pay you all a visit and drop off some letters (if i ever have time to write them!), and best of all- you can ask him ALL the Tahiti questions you want!  Im going to give him our number and address, and he will get in touch with you guys.  Its so, so weird that he is here with me.  Here I am.  In the middle of the ocean.  Speakin French.  Except Im not speakin French.  Im speaking English.  And Im talking about the Preston Rodeo and Big Js.  I absolutely love, love my Friday district reunion.  It is really a tender mercy from the Lord to put someone who has eaten Gosner cheese in my district.  So comforting.  Two Cache Valley kids preaching the gospel in Tahiti!  It is honestly such a small world!

In response to some of your other questions- my tan is coming along pretty good.  Its kinda fading cuz of the rain lately, but its still better than my usual tan, which is usually nonexistant.  My hair is also getting some rather radiant highlights.  When I wake up in the morning, my hair is big and curly.  You heard me!  Curly!  

Also, I would just like to say that if you have never fallen asleep to the sound of the ocean, you're missing out.  I think I will miss that forever once I leave.

My companion leaves in 3 weeks and finishes her mission.  Everyone say no less than 1000 prayers for me as I approach this moment.  I often think about the day in Heaven when I will see my sweet Tahitian sister again and we will speak the same language, and I can really tell her exactly how much I love her.  What an incredible experience it is to work with her, a girl who grew up on an island that you can walk the perimeter of in a day.  We have had such different lives, but we both love the gospel, and that makes everything work out in the end.

As you all know, I've been pretty razzled up and frankly stressed out of my mind for the majority of the time I've been here.  I ask myself constantly if I'm doing enough, how can I know If I'm trying my real best, why cant I speak fluent French, yada yada.  Dad, this thought is especially for you, Bishop.  Here is an insight I re-received this week.  (It seems like that's how we learn the gospel, huh?  Re-learn and re-learn and re-learn).  

There is no actual check list for being a good person.  There is no actual check list for being a good bishop or missionary or wife or mailman or whatever you you may be.  Its not like you will get to the Judgement Bar and hear, "Oooh...  I'm so sorry, but if you would have raked leaves for your neighbor one more time, you would have made it.  See ya.  Terrestrial Kingdom."  

Sometimes I get real, real caught up in what I can do to prove myself and how hard I have to work in order to be worthy of acceptance.  

If you are living in such a way that you are miserable, stressed out, and never satisfied, you are forgetting some stuff.  You are forgetting that Father created us "that we might have joy"   And you are forgetting that Christ is our Redeemer.

Family, I really have a testimony of the Atonement.  I know that Christ is the Son of God, that He lives, and that He actually accomplished the miracle of the Atonement.  That means that we are not alone in this.  That means that we have an infinitely loving Savior that makes up for our weakness.  When I say my prayers at night in His name, I am recognizing that although I wasnt perfect today, I have a Partner who was perfect and Who loves me, and Who accepts my efforts.  

Like I say all the time, the only real hard thing about life is realizing and accepting how good it is.  Its not always immediately evident, because we are humans, and we get distracted and sidetracked and blinded.  But the reality is that we have a Savior.  The reality is that yes, we are good enough, thanks to our infinitely loving and merciful Partner, Jesus Christ.  We can be happy and hopeful because Christ performed His Atonement, and we are saved.  We will live in Heaven with our families after this life.

I love Jesus Christ.  I know that He lives, and I know that He loves me.  As long as I'm just striving and desiring and loving every day, I'm enough.  

Life is so, so beautiful.

All my love, Soeur Mann